Home
News
The Playground
Burning Band
Amenities & Dues
Work-shift sign-up
gASSo job descriptions
Chairway job descriptions
Other job descriptions
Next Time ??
Join the Playground
Playground People
Camp Maps
   
 


(last updated 8/7/05)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Job:
 gASSo DIRECTOR / FLOATER


Objective: To insure smooth operation of gASSo, and allow other gASSo staff to stay focused on their primary responsibilities.  To provide security, relief staffing and oversight for gASSo.

Hours of Operation: 7 PM to 1 AM / Shift Duration: 2 hrs.

Equipment and/or Skills Needed: a Sharp Mind, flexibility and tact.  Potentially, lots of tact, and good conflict resolution skills.

Description:  Move around station and interact with guests and other staff to enhance everyone's experience.  Encourage people to participate, rather than just watch.  Do this in a fun and humorous manner. Don’t be mean, insulting or too pushy.

Provide a complement for the Megaphone Operator -- he or she can focus on talking to large groups, while you can deal more with people on a one-to-one individual basis.  Talk to people on bikes and encourage them to park them and take a look.

When speaking with women, encourage them to look at the Orgasmatron if it isn't currently in use.  Or simply mention that it's here.  Many will remember it from last year and want to try again.  Help manage the line that will likely develop during peak hours.

Do whatever is necessary to allow the other gASSo staff to stay focused on their primary responsibilities.  If there is a problem with a guest, use tact to resolve the situation (remembering we're all here to have fun).  If you see a situation developing between a guest and other gASSo staff, try either to assume responsibility for resolving the problem to allow the other staff person to return to their primary responsibility, or take over operating responsibilities for the other staff person if they can best resolve their situation.  In either case, minimize the impact on other guests. 

If someone is especially creepy and/or insists on taking pictures, ask them to move on to another village.  If there is a problem that requires more help, or an injury of any type, get the Camp Supervisor (aka Camp Bitch).  If a situation appears very urgent or dangerous, seek help from the nearest Ranger or law enforcement officer.

Be fully qualified to fill any gASSo position.  If one of the other gASSo workers needs a short potty break, fill in as needed.

If no gASSo Attendant is on duty to administer Flaming Propane Enemas, provide that function.  (See job description and understand the job before trying it on someone else.)

Provide crowd control and security.  Help manage the queue for anyone waiting for the Orgasmatron or the Spank-o-Matic ("SOM").  If the lines become excessively long, encourage people to have a drink at the bar, while you keep track of their position in the line.  Watch the flow of people, and keep the crowd out of the station and away from the machines.  If a minor is seen approaching the area, immediately notify SOM operator and gASSo Attendant.  Let the parents of the minor know that this is an area with adult-themed entertainment.  If the minor is unaccompanied, ask him/her to move on, and do not let him/her into the back of gASSo under any circumstances.

If someone looks like they are going to take a picture of someone they don't know, position yourself between them and the guest and remind them that Burning Man protocol requires getting permission from anyone before taking their picture.  This will seldom be an issue between opening and Thursday.  It will happen much more frequently as the tourists start arriving on Friday and want to take pictures of the nekkid hippies.  Be polite but firm in insisting there can be no pictures without the subject's explicit permission.  If you see the Megaphone Operator dealing with a would-be photographer, take over if appropriate, allowing the Megaphone Operator to resume barking.

This position can be covered on an acting basis by the Megaphone Operator if crowds or staffing are light.

Safety: Watch for any situations that require intervention.  Defuse conflicts before they become dangerous.  Monitor operation of SOM and Flaming Enemas, and take whatever action is necessary if either is being operated in an unsafe manner or by an unauthorized individual.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 
Job: ESPLANADE MEGAPHONE OPERATOR
        (and Acting gASSo Director, if gASSo Director /Floater is not present)


Objective: To entice the citizens of BRC to try out the SOM, a Flaming Propane Enema and/or The Orgasmatron, etc.  To provide security.  To also provide relief staffing and oversight, as needed in absence of gASSo Director / Floater.

Hours of Operation: 7 PM to 1 AM / Shift Duration: 2 hrs.

Equipment and/or Skills  Needed: Megaphone, Spare Batteries, Cool Costume, Good Speaking Voice, Outgoing personality and a Sharp Mind.

Description: In short -- Barker and Crowd Control.  Bring 'em in, while keeping it safe and fun

Stand near or on the Esplanade and use the megaphone to entice people to participate.  Do this in a fun and humorous manner.  Don’t be mean, insulting or too pushy.  Move around a bit so as not to impair people’s view.  There may be a cue card of clichés you can use if you need it.  Think Carnival Barker, and you will be very close to your job.

Also use more direct one-on-one communication when there are only one or two people walking by.  Using a megaphone to talk to a single individual isn't especially friendly. 

Point out that gASSo is a "full-service ass station."  That will usually get someone's attention.  Encourage everyone to try the Spank-o-Matic.  While speaking directly to women, rather than with a megaphone, encourage them to look at the Orgasmatron if it isn't currently in use.  Or simply mention that it's here.  Many will remember it from last year and want to try again.  If there is no gASSo Director / Floater, help manage the line for the Orgasmatron that will likely develop during peak hours.

Provide a complement for the gASSo Director / Floater -- he or she can focus on talking to individuals, while you talk to large groups. 

Keep an eye on what’s going on at the attractions so you can coordinate what you say.  For instance, announce world record attempts on the SOM... get the crowd to count along.  Never force anyone to be a participant.  Keep it light and fun.  Get people to stop.  Encourage those on bikes to park their bikes and take a look. 

Provide crowd control and security.  Watch the flow of people, and keep the crowd out of the station and away from the machines.  Instruct people to form a line when needed (as may often be the case with the Orgasmatron).  If a minor is seen approaching the area, immediately notify SOM operator and gASSo Attendant.  Let the parents of the minor know that this is an area with adult-themed entertainment.  If the minor is unaccompanied, ask him/her to move on, and do not let him/her into the back of gASSo under any circumstances.

If someone looks like they are going to take a picture of someone they don't know, position yourself between them and the guest and remind them that Burning Man protocol requires getting permission from anyone before taking their picture.  This will seldom be an issue between opening and Thursday.  It will happen much more frequently as the tourists start arriving on Friday and want to take pictures of the nekkid hippies.  Be polite but firm in insisting there can be no pictures without the subject's explicit permission.  If there is any resistance, and the gASSo Director / Floater is present, ask him to get involved and resume barking.

If there is a need for resolving a problem with a guest, and the gASSo Director / Floater is not present, that responsibility falls to the Acting gASSo Director (i.e., the Megaphone operator).  Use tact to resolve the situation, and do your best to keep it from impacting other guests.  If someone is especially creepy and/or insists on taking pictures, ask them to move on to another village.  If there is a problem that requires more help, or an injury of any type, get the Camp Supervisor (aka Camp Bitch).  (See Job Description for "gASSo Director / Floater" for more information that is generally redundant.)

 If one of the other gASSo workers needs a short restroom break, fill in as needed and qualified.

 Safety: Watch for any situations that require intervention.  Use care with the megaphone to not hurt anyone's ears.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Job:
SPANK-O-MATIC OPERATOR


 Objective: To safely operate the Spank-O-Matic and be responsible for participant safety and participant satisfaction.  To properly prepare each guest for their session, and to recruit new participants from the group of spectators after one person's session has been completed.

Hours of Operation: 7 PM to 1 AM / Shift Duration: 2 hrs.

Equipment Needed: Spank-o-Matic, finger, Costume of your choice.  (Some gASSo attendant shirts may be available.)

Description: After the Megaphone Operator draws in people who were walking past, they typically will want to watch the SOM before participating, though sometimes multiple guests may be simultaneously interested and need to be queued.  And other times it may be that no one wants to go first.  
 
Your first job is to find someone who is ready for a spanking.  Invite the SOM participant onto the platform, position them as appropriate ("Face the Man, bend like me <at the waist and knees>, and place your hands on your knees, like this.").  Note: Check the participant’s clothing/costume for any dangerous items that could hurt/stab them during the spanking... encourage bare-ass spankings. 
 
Once positioned, deliver a short speech to prepare them mentally, and apply as many smacks as appropriate.  A starting point for your speech can be: "There are three things you need to know.  First, this machine is very mellow.  Nothing to worry about.  When you have had enough, just say “thank you”  If you want a harder spanking, lean into the paddle..  softer, lean forward a bit.  Very mellow and gentle.  Second, I'm only going to push the button three or four times, but I can't count for shit.  And third, whatever you do, don't put your hands behind you.  I'm serious about this because this fucker can break your knuckles."  
 
Start pushing the button immediately and repeatedly, and the time it takes to process what you said, along with understanding what is happening to their ass, will catch up after about 3 seconds, with amusing results.  Be sure to stop immediately if they take their hands off their knees or otherwise do something unsafe.  Encourage anyone who has had more than 10-15 spanks to show their ass to the waiting crowd, as it will likely be quite red.
 
Some people will quickly pull away, after realizing it's a fairly firm smack they are receiving, but many will be glad to continue if asked if they want more.  If there is a gASSo Attendant present, lead the participant to the Attendant for a Flaming Enema before they have a chance to put their pants back on.

If a minor is seen, or the Megaphone Operator says a minor is approaching, suspend spankings until the minor has cleared the area.
 
Safety: The Operator’s job is to spank the SOM participants by depressing the SOM activator button.  Be sure to try it on yourself to understand how firm it is.  It is important that you pay close attention to everything that is happening, particularly the reactions of the participant.  DO NOT start spanking until everything is ready and safe.  Stop spanking when the participant says “thank you,” the participant stands or takes his/her hands off his/her knees, or if you see any problem with the machine or situation.  Check the SOM often for loose parts.  Do Not allow anyone within 5 ft. of the SOM except for the participant.  NEVER give the controls to anyone else.  If you need to put the controls down for any reason, turn off the machine first by disconnecting the air supply.  If the machine becomes unsafe in any way, shut it down and fix it, or find someone who can.  Notify the gASSo Director /Floater (if one is present), or Megaphone Operator (Acting gASSo Director), of any problems.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 


Job: gASSo ATTENDANT
         (the Flaming Propane Enema Nurse)


Objective: To safely administer a refreshing Flaming Propane Enema to our guests who desire such a luxurious treatment.

Hours of Operation: 9 PM to 1 AM / Shift Duration: 2 hrs (peak hours only)

Equipment Needed: Ethyl (a converted gas pump), extra propane canisters, repair tools, first aid kit, costume of your choice and fire extinguisher.  Ear plugs optional.

Description: Ethyl has the capability of administering a delightful blast of warm air to the posterior of anyone lucky enough to be selected for treatment. 

Ok, that's perhaps not completely accurate.  Ethyl will shoot a bright blue flame right up the tailpipe of anyone who is nuts enough to drop their pants for this madness.  And, yes, people actually will do that.  Sometimes even twice, but almost never 3 times.  Your job is to help bring this incredible experience to our unsuspecting guests, and do it in a way that maximizes the entertainment value for our other guests (who were smart enough to not go first), without injuring the actual recipient.

As a Flaming Enema nurse, you should first familiarize your self with the equipment and sensation.  Point the hose at your hand from 4 inches, squeeze the handle half-way for about 1 second, then squeeze the rest of the way for ignition.  Won't do much.  Increase the time to 2 seconds, then three, then four.  At some point you will find the level where you really wouldn't want this thing toasting your ass and nads, and that should be the maximum time you use for any guest.  Maybe even more than you want to do to anyone else, considering the equipment in the general area where you will be directing this monster.  You may also find you will want to wear ear plugs.

Prep comes first.  The recipient needs to drop their pants, and their underwear, if any.  Then they need to gather up their shirt with one hand and hold it away from their butt.  This is especially true for someone wearing synthetics, which are very flammable.  Next, get the victim to bend over, and have him hold his nut sack.  We sure don't want to be blowing that thing off, do we?

Actual operation is pretty simple, once the victim is properly positioned and exposed, and nothing flammable is nearby.  Just squeeze the handle half way, and you'll hear the gas that is filling the hose.  Count out the right number of seconds (2-3), then squeeze the rest of the way.  Big BANG.  Expect the guest to then have a big smile on his face, and a desire to never go through that again.  Great fun.

When no one around wants a treatment, ask passers-by if they would like a refreshing gas enema.  After all, gASSo IS a full-service ass station.

With smaller crowds or limited staff, this position can be covered by the gASSo Director / Floater.

Safety: Be careful not to use too much gas!!!  Don’t Burn People!  In case of a fire accident, remember...  STOP, DROP AND ROLL!!!  Always know where the fire extinguisher is.  Always know where the first aid kit is.  Don’t leave Ethyl unattended.  If the machine malfunctions, discontinue use until repairs are made. 

Beyond that, keep at least 4 inches between the hose and the person's ass.  Too close, or too much gas, and you risk serious personal injury.  After all, we don't want to be having to buy anyone a new scrotum, do we?

If Lucky Bastard is in the area, encourage him to be the giver of Enemas.  He is a master of the art, and foolishly, people seem to trust him when he's in his Bunny suit.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 


Job: ORGASMATRON OPERATOR

Objective: To provide an environment that allows female guests to feel very safe and comfortable while enjoying the Orgasmatron.  To operate the Orgasmatron in a way that optimizes the experience for the guest and leaves them feel very good about The Playground.  This is a great job for a woman with an open mind, since she will have such an innate sense of timing and speed.

Hours of Operation: 7 PM to 1 AM / Shift Duration: 2 hrs.

Equipment and/or Skills Needed: Orgasmatron, paper towels or wash cloth, Lysol cleaning liquid in spray bottle.  Sensitivity and an ability to create a non-threatening environment where women can feel safe and comfortable in your presence.  An ability to be in a very intimate situation with a woman where she can feel very sexual, without a sense that she is being seduced, or that you even desire sex with her.

Description: Meet the guest, either at the door of the room holding the Orgasmatron, or in front of gASSo and escort them into the back room.  If anyone accompanied the guest into the room, ask the guest if she would like that person to stay, or if she would prefer he/she waited outside.  Introduce yourself and try to establish a rapport with the guest.  The challenge is to have the guest feel completely safe and comfortable at the beginning, in the middle and when she is leaving, and to have her confident that she is in a confidential space where her privacy will be respected.

While talking with the guest, have her kneel on the seat and hold the handle bars.  Assure her that you won't touch her without her permission.  Request permission to touch her shoulders or back or head, if you sense she is open to that and you are comfortable giving her sensual but non-sexual touch.  Respect her wishes if she does not grant you that permission.  Explain the horn is for her to let you know if she gets there, or something like that.

Slowly begin to increase the speed, and you will find she will lose interest in talking fairly quickly.  Watching her expression and eyes and the color in her face.  Try to match the speed settings and vibrations, and your touch if she has given permission, to her largely-unspoken signals.  Be very gentle with speed increases.  Too slow, and she will ask for more.  Too fast, and she will ask to leave immediately without having found any pleasure in the experience.

Quick surges can have magical effects.  Almost no one will ever want full speed.  And when she is done, she may want to get up quickly.  Encourage her to relax for a few seconds and bring the speed down gradually over 30 seconds or so.  In all likelihood, she will need help getting down the stairs if you've been sensitive to her needs and desires.

And when it's all over, the person who has just let you share in her Orgasmatron experience has given you something very personal and very special.  Do not forget to thank her for that wonderful gift.  Before the next guest enters, clean the seat with Lysol and dry it.

Some women may seem reluctant to partake in what is a very intimate act with someone they have never met before, but these women will often be much more comfortable if there is another woman in the room.  Be sensitive to that desire if you are a man, and if you know of a woman on duty or nearby who enjoys operating the Orgasmatron, consider asking her for help.  (There is a lady returning this year who loved being an operator and watching other women reach climax.)  Offering to get a woman, either as a third person or a substitute operator may be very helpful for those guests who are otherwise reluctant.

If a woman has asked a significant-other to stay with her, and he's just watching, silently suggest that he touch his partner as she becomes engulfed with the feelings and vibrations, while you stand back adjusting the speed to fit the situation.  It can be a very intense for both of them (and beautiful to watch).

Some women or couples may request complete privacy, and that is something to be discouraged.  Like the service station our structure resembles, our mission is provide a service, not a place for people to do their own work.  Perhaps someday someone will create Vibrator Camp, where a selection of dildos is provided, along with a half-dozen private tents in which to use them.  The Playground is something different, and gASSo is a Service Station, not a motel with private rooms, but exceptions can be made where appropriate.

Shared-Shift Option: Quite often a woman will be most comfortable with the gASSo staffer she met in front of the building as her Orgasmatron operator, rather than with someone she's met for the first time as the steps into the back room.  What can work very well is a cooperative arrangement between the gASSo Director / Floater and the Orgasmatron Operator, where each person does their own recruitment of guests, using the waiting time to build rapport and comfort.  The gASSo Director and and Orgasmatron Operator can then switch responsibilities on a guest-by-guest basis.

Safety: The laws of Nevada do not prohibit sitting on washing machines, or something that is a close facsimile with a banana seat attached.  However, they do prohibit copulation in a public location, and without a real door, gASSo qualifies.  For your safety, the guest's safety and the safety of everyone else camping in The Playground and The Q, do not let the activities cross the line into something illegal.  There are too many Law Enforcement Officers looking for the big sex bust to take any chances.

In the same vein, be especially careful that minors do not get into the back room of gASSo.  That could get real ugly.  'Nuf said?

Sometimes the guest may want to continue a relationship with the operator away from gASSo.  That is fine, but please let it be her, and not you that makes the suggestion.  To do otherwise will destroy the environment of safety that we strive to create.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------